this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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