My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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