All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
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