You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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