Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
