Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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