i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
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