2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
