I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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