so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
