Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Randomize
