Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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