apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize