sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
