if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
