Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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