Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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