he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
