things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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