he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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