i jhust puked up my retainher.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
