I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
