there's paper in my vomit.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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