We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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