Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
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