you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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