So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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