My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
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