Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
