things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
