The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
