i'm signing you up for texting rehab
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
