remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
