I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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