dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
