The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I just want nice things and good sex
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
