hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
i jhust puked up my retainher.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
