I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
