every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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