I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
