Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
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