my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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