so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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