I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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