He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
there is glitter all over my balls
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