I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
