i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
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