My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
