the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Randomize
