Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
