Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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