i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Come share oat with me in your robe
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
