Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I'm passing your future prison.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
