woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
The air taste purple.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize