Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
