"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
