How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
