1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
