I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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