Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize