i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
You need Xanax blowdarts
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
