my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
