Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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