Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
even my farts smell like vagina
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
