Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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