32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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