I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
