Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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