just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
