he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
