It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
