apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
