tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
